Total Eclipses

This is a shortened and modified version of an essay I wrote for my English class, based on the book by Annie Dillard called, "Total Eclipse."I felt like the conclusion that I was able to draw from it should be something to add to the blog, because it can apply to you. In the book, Dillard witnesses a total eclipse. She warns the reader to avoid them at all costs, because it completely altered her reality in an unsettling and upsetting way. I've taken out most of the references to the book itself so that you might be able to understand the message without doing homework, but I highly advise you to check out her book for a better understanding. 

It’s an unsettling feeling to have your expectations of enjoyment turn out to be a reality of

fear. Humans experience partial eclipses multiple times throughout their lives, but the debilitating pain of a

 total eclipse doesn’t come often. When they do, they smush us down and sculpt us back up again into

 something new in the most hurtful ways possible.

It’s no secret that humans are constantly evolving. We’ve been evolving over centuries,

most of which we don’t get to see in our lifetimes, but what we do see is a personal evolution

that is marked by change. Naturally, over time, we change in little ways to become who we were

meant to be all along. Most of the time, these little changes come about through positive

experiences. For example, you try a new recipe and discover your new favorite food. Good job,

you’ve just added a positive trait to your character without putting up a fight with life. However,

the bigger changes usually come about through negative experiences. For example, you go

through a breakup and learn your likes and dislikes in a relationship. There will inevitably be

struggles that you have to overcome to grow, but they are manageable. I’ll call these partial

eclipses.

In my view, total eclipses are life changing events that take place over long periods of

time. They don’t just partially change you, they change every single part of you. They have a

kind of totality that doesn’t seem attainable, and can really never be attained by anything but

themselves. No person, not you or someone in your life, could cause as much damage as these

total eclipses do. They hide the sun completely and only show you a darkness that steals away

every bit of your control and sense of identity. Not all people experience a pain so deep as a total

eclipse, but if they do they are most likely to be adults. I was unfortunate enough to experience

one at the age of fifteen.

During the second semester of my freshman year of high school, my life was destroyed

by mental illness. Seemingly out of nowhere I developed an anxiety disorder that infiltrated

every aspect of my life. My eating habits, my faith, my health, my home, my ability to leave my

house, my perception of who I was, my ambitions and morals, and every single relationship with

anyone would all be changed forever by the months I spent being sick. This infectious disease

rotted me inside and out, and contaminated everything I touched. That is the deep totality that

results from an eclipse like this, something that I never saw coming and could have never

predicted the lasting effects of. I expected joyous teenage years, and in return got the unexpected

reality of fear.

However, these total eclipses do end. They end and leave destruction that you have to

rebuild. Dillard says, “The event was over. Its devastation lay around us.” I have been totally

broken, yet I am not totally put back together in the same way. Total eclipses do not bring back

exactly who you used to be, but bring in new parts to make you whole again. A whole new

person. In my case, almost every aspect of my life was replaced with something better, and I can

optimistically say that it happens that way for most people, too.

Next time you face one of life’s many trials, you’ll be tempted to ask yourself this: Is this

a total eclipse or a partial eclipse? But there’s no need to dwell on this question, because the

answer doesn’t really matter. In the wise words of Paul McCartney, you have to “Let it be.” Let

life change you because that is exactly what it is designed to do.

I am really proud of the way that this essay turned out, and I hope that you might be able to find some inspiration from it. We tend to live life to literally that I believe that it is a writer's job to insert metaphors whenever they can. Sometimes it can be so relieving to put life's struggles into the view of a beautiful thing. Eclipses are an incredible, natural phenomenon. The only thing is, you're not supposed to look directly at them. You have to use some kind of vessel to be able to see them. 

When looking at something really difficult that seems to take your life for its own, I encourage you to put your writer's cap on and wear this metaphor as your eclipse glasses so you might be able to see better. Is it the end of the world, or is it simply an eclipse that will end in a little while?